Nonsense and Next-to-nonsense Non-verse
The Quantum Theory of Relative Insanity
Let me first establish that this paper is not specifically concerned with the insanity of your relatives (Y1). Or, for that matter, mine (Y2). So forget about Y, if that’s possible.
Let X denote the post-Eden individual. The crux of my theory is that X, under the influence of the multifarious electro-magnetic and metaphysical (if I may lump loosely) machinations that constitute the larger part of X’s environmental frame of reference, does not undergo a smooth and continuous declension into insanity, but rather goes crazy little by little.
Fig. 1 Fig. 2
Slippery-dip Theory Proposed Theory
In other words, X does not slide into madness as in Fig. 1; X bounces down the steps
School Report
Johnny was a poor student who would have done better if he had come to school with his head screwed on the right way. However, he did achieve a solid pass in Simple Anathematics and leaves us hating almost everybody.
Sports Report
Z Street Charity Match: The Junkies v The Alcoholics
There were late withdrawals in each camp and both sides started shakily. Then the Junkies come on with a rush. The Alcoholics seemed groggy but perhaps not groggy enough. The Junkies continued in the same vein. Ball-handling was obviously a problem: members of both teams were heard to yell out, “I can’t handle it.” As the only scores in the game came from mistakes by the opposition, the referee declared the result a loss for both sides. After the game, the captains agreed that they were used to being considered losers, although the Junkie captain said he thought his team had won one game straight some time ago. The respective coaches were asked whether this had been his side’s worst performance. The coach of the Alcoholics said he couldn’t remember. The Junkie coach just snorted.
A Dream
I had a dream. In my dream there was a war on. It was the Plants versus the Humans. The Humans were attacking the Plants with machetes and flame-throwers; sometimes uprooting and then burning them. Helicopters went viviwacking overhead spraying plant poison.
Not all the Plants were involved, only a trouble-making minority. The other Plants were friendly, or at least neutral – quite content with the copious amounts of CO2 the Humans provided. (Although some of them were less pleased about the concomitant impurities with which they had to contend.) But the malefactors, the trouble-making minority, were regarded by some Humans as the most vicious enemy they had ever faced.
The bad Plants had infiltrated the Human population and subverted some of the Humans (in a sort of botanical fifth column). The traitorous Humans would go to any lengths to protect the bad Plants, even murdering their own kind. Some were caught and brought to justice, tried for treason, and then given the chance to denounce the evil Plants so that other Humans might resist their brainwashing. But the evil Plants always seemed to find new recruits.
So the war raged on and there appeared to be no end in sight.
Of course, when I woke up, the whole thing seemed ridiculous.
Getting Through
It’s getting me down. There’s no getting around it, it’s getting worse. It’s got to stop.
If I’ve got it straight, you think I’ve got it in the bag. And I am getting down to it, but where is it getting me? I’ve got to get with it and get while the getting’s good. If I can get away with it.
But getting back to the other thing, I just can’t get to the bottom of it. You’ve got me there, if you get it. You say it’s getting to me and you’ve got something. (You know me, I can’t get enough.) But I’ll get over it and then maybe I’ll get somewhere. Whatever, I’ll get by.
Leaves of Acid 